Time flies by, and my college life is coming to an end. Most of the people around me have already planned their future lives, and many old friends have bid farewell and gone elsewhere. Hesitation and the unknown fill the surroundings, as change and new beginnings alternate, pushing us forward. In the past year, I have gone through many periods of anxiety and internal struggle, but thanks to the help and company of my loved ones and friends, I still have the courage to write an annual summary and regain the courage to face what has happened this year.
Winter in Beijing always arrives faster than in the south, and it is much colder. Before I could even put on my autumn clothes, the temperature had already dropped below zero, forcing me to put on a down jacket. The cold always makes people nostalgically reminisce, especially in these days. It feels like a long time has passed since the "mask period", but in reality, it has only been a year. However, everything has indeed returned to normal. In the first half of the year, during the May reading week, my friends and I went to Qinhuangdao for a trip and saw the magnificent sea. If there is a chance in the future, I would like to visit a coastal city again during my graduation trip, probably Qingdao or Sanya. Of course, before leaving Beijing after graduation, I will take my family to visit Beijing. These plans can be arranged later.
As for my friends, with the farewell of graduation season approaching, it has become difficult to see many familiar faces again. However, there are still opportunities to gather. In the past few months, I have often gone to Tongzhou with my senior brothers (sjh and zjj) to "walk the lines". However, we never bought many things or found any cost-effective treasures during each visit. But every time, we must go to a restaurant and enjoy a hearty meal. We didn't have any essential items to buy, let alone taking a car ride to Tongzhou for over an hour. As zjj senior brother said, "I really enjoy this time." I think everyone does. In the digital age, powerful social communication tools and devices allow us to contact each other anytime and anywhere, but they may not necessarily bring us closer or allow us to share recent updates. However, these trivial and small memories will settle until they are no longer remembered, but they do not affect our joy and anticipation for the next reunion. And there is Master Wang. If you count it, we have said goodbye to each other at least three times. During the "mask period", I thought we would not see each other for a long time. I will always remember what I said on the way home last winter, "Don't worry, people who didn't say a proper goodbye will definitely meet again." Unexpectedly, the "mask" period really ended, and we met again in Beijing. In the early summer of last year, after Master Wang finished taking graduation photos, I thought we might say a proper goodbye. Plus, Master Wang was planning to go abroad later. But then he said he would postpone it until the end of February, and then he found an internship in Beijing. Last month, I went to hang out with him, and we ate until we were full, with endless jokes. "People who are destined to meet will meet again." I used to have conflicting feelings about this quote from Haruki Murakami, but now I deeply believe it. In October, Yue Qing called me on a video call and thanked my mom for giving him beef sauce. I found out that he had gone to Haikou with the project and was very busy and missed home. We talked about our recent situations until I said, "Let's have a good gathering during winter vacation." He smiled and said, "I don't have winter vacation. I'm on annual leave now." It suddenly dawned on me that my peers had gradually left the campus, put on suits, and started to learn how to be adults. And I am still in the ivory tower of the campus. This made me realize that I and my peers have really grown up. "If you want to buy osmanthus flowers, you must carry wine. It's not the same as when we were young." In October, after deciding on my future direction, Xiaoxiao was very down at that time, and I didn't know how to say it either. Maybe I was afraid of mentioning the separation. But in one's life, it is made up of countless separations and reunions, and Xiaoxiao said that many things are beyond our control, and separation or reunion is unpredictable. It was from that moment that I realized that the days to come would be the last time for me at CUC, the last round of spring, summer, autumn, and winter at CUC. I don't have the habit of taking photos, but I started to record every moment with my friends, the scenery around me, even a cup of milk tea, a meal, or a slight change. I started to accumulate the "courage" to separate little by little, until the final wave goodbye, without leaving any regrets.
"A person's perception of time is a product of their environment." I used to think that time is like a speeding train, starting slowly at first and then gradually accelerating, getting faster and faster, unable to stop. But later I realized that this metaphor is too intimidating. In fact, a person's perception of time will be different at different stages. Children think of time as a loop. After spring comes summer, after summer comes autumn, one semester ends, and the next semester will come. But gradually, I discovered that time is actually spiral, constantly rotating forward. Although it repeats year after year, after all, "each year, each year, people change". Realizing that I will become a different person in time is exciting and a bit unsettling. The so-called "time flies like an arrow", once the arrow is shot, it will never return, and we don't know where it will eventually land.
Of course, the essence of time is ultimately its content. Time is invisible and silent. When we reminisce about time, we think about things that have happened, people we have met, happiness, sadness, joy... Only when there is a significant difference between present memories and past memories can we clearly estimate the flow of time. In Japanese haiku, there are "lingering snow" and "wind carrying the news of flowers", which represent the cycle of the four seasons. Even if we are reluctant to let go, it cannot change the laws of nature. The so-called "go with the flow", what exactly are we going with, nature or our state of mind, is hard to say.
This year, I have had many new concepts and ideas reshaped. In the past, when dealing with interpersonal relationships, I was always more casual and didn't think too carefully about whether what I said and did would be appropriate in the long run. But now I increasingly feel that many times I need to speak cautiously and consider the possible consequences of my actions. As for my view on love, I used to be cautious and serious about it. I always wanted to speculate on the ending of a story. If I didn't have full confidence in the ending, I would rather not start. But now I gradually understand that no matter what the ending of the story is, if I consider the ending from the beginning, I will miss out on many processes. Therefore, what is meaningful is not the result, but the time spent. I have given my sincere heart and gained the ability to love and be loved. That is the greatest significance given by emotions. In the movie "Prometheus", it is said, "Life is a wilderness, not a track." We often try every means to explore the final outcome, but who can predict the countless possibilities? Who can give up the present moment because of the uncertainty of the future? Love is the sinking of free will. If fate allows two people to meet, then bravely love that person limitlessly in the limited time, and sincerely express your liking and love.
Finally, for the past year and the years we have lived in this world, there is always a concluding remark: although there are various disappointments in life, we can still choose between happiness and unhappiness. The world is sinking, and the crowd is reveling. Indeed, the continuity of time remains unchanged. It does not mean that something qualitatively changes as soon as the clock strikes midnight. But fortunately, people do not live in a single moment; people live with ups and downs. Perhaps there are still many failures, many regrets, and many regrets, but at the moment when the New Year's bell rings, they will all become the past. 2024 is still worth looking forward to, still worth loving and being loved. ✨